FBI VS CIA, This Will Turn Out Wonderfully
by theholychesse
Summary: Agent Carmichael is a world class spy, seducer, weapon and has been for a while. Faithfully following orders to the last letter. But he even will have trouble with this one, the decision to send him undercover in a branch of the government the CIA hates second most, the FBI. And for what? To protect a wimpy kid who is oddly similar to what he was, once, long, long ago. (AU)


This is an AU for the Chuck and Crimes Minds series, in any way shape or form; I do not own the franchises.

…

Prelude

…

Xerxes growled and spat at their captor, his undercover handler did nothing but stare. The woman with the whip in hand giggled and took the man's face in her manicured hand, Xerxes glared at her, pure hatred being sent to her.

Ugh, thought the handler, Agent Laciarchem, his name was, for now at least. Can't everything go to plan at least once in his life? It was supposed to a normal, befriend asset, learn info, and kill asset kind of mission. But nuh uh, nope, fate hates him too much! Just awful.

The woman, Reni Harris, AKA Black Mamba, drug smuggler and dealer on a global scale, cracked the whip over the concrete floor, the sound made Xerxes quake in his boots, or rather sneakers. However, the ex hacker put a brave face on, in a rather weak attempt to look brave. And for what? The sucker was going to die anyway, not that he knew that.

However, Agent Laciarchem thought, once again, he would prefer for himself to take the low life's low life. Terrible line really, why even bother trying to sound cool in his own head? Oh shut it, he thought to himself, I am cool and thus, have to sound cool.

Xerxes tried to kick the woman with his free, dangling legs, and instead just looked like an idiot. Thus the fate of amateurs.

"Mr. Xerxes, dear pal! I think you know why we are gathered here today!" The woman squealed in a thick, New York accent. Xerxes nodded, glancing at his supposed 'boyfriend', Agent Laciarchem, sucker was easy to seduce, just a flash of his famous smile, and bam! Befriended asset. Well, really it required a night in bed, but let's forget about that, since the agent wants to as well, he takes no pleasure in that stuff, especially since he was gunning for the other side.

The woman grins as she sees the glance, and approaches the dangling CIA agent.

"Ahh, yes, your sweetheart, he's all well, and will be if you tell me what I want." Laciarchemn felt insulted, he didn't show it of course, only fake fear, but come on! He wasn't some damsel in distress! Those days were gone when he got out of the Farm!

"Y-You let him g-go, and I might j-just let you live a-after this!" Diamon Xerxes stuttered out. Geeze, who does he think he is? Some kind of mob boss?

The woman wasn't impressed either, she cackled before ripping apart the agent's shirt.

"That's obvious bullshit there, why don't you spill the beans before I harm the pretty boy's pretty little back?" He resisted the urge to sigh. Wouldn't fit with his persona. He stuttered out, fitting his persona.

"P-Please don't h-hurt me.." He made a fake wince when the woman moved the whip.

"Hear the boy, Xerxes? He don't want to be hurt! How about you go and stop me from doing that?"

The ex hacker was clearly panicking, the wimp, and struggling in his bonds. The woman grinned, raising her whip and did the first lash. He said and did nothing. Xerxes winced, thinking madly now.

On the fifth lash, Xerxes yelled for her to stop, and stop she did, turning to him. The agent almost screamed 'finally'.

"I-I'll t-tell y-you j-just d-don't h-hurt u-us a-anymore!" The man stammered out again. The agent did nothing, he could get the info, wait for Black Mamba to kill the fool, and free himself, killing the woman in the process. Not that bad of a situation he's gotten himself into.

"T-The password f-for the s-shipment a-activation i-is 'Fireflies in the M-Midnight skies!"' The woman grunted and smirked. In the blink of an eye, she had grabbed the knife that was on her thigh, and finally slit the man's throat. He gave a dying gurgle before sinking into the abyss of death.

For most people such a sight would be terrible, traumatic, sob worthy. For the two living killers in the room, those stages of killing are long in the past.

"Took you long enough, could have put truth serum in him and you wouldn't have to go through all this trouble." The agent said, the poker face his kind are famous for, sliding over his face. Black Mamba did a double take and turned around to stare, utterly confused at his dangling body. His arms were starting to ache actually, ugh.

"For freaking sake's. What are you standing around for? Are you going to kill me or what?" Best to do what he was trained to do, right now. As soon as his blink finished, he had 91 ways to break out from chains in his head.

"What? Do you have a death wish….boy?" Ah, she was uncertain, awesome. Maybe he wouldn't have to use the info he just got after all.

"Boy? Really? You're just, what, 60 years older than me, hag?" Oooo, that riled her up, she growled and threw a dagger at his leg, a move made only to hurt, not to kill. Later when he replayed the incident in his mind, he deleted the little hiss he made when it sunk into his flesh.

And now, she had used the two knifes she had on herself, and she only had torture tools nearby. Ready to go in 5 4 3-

"You like that, manwhore?!" Ah hell no, no one interrupts his countdown, and he isn't some common slut, he only seduces when necessary! This woman is going into a world of pain now.

Swinging his legs up to grab her neck and put her in a leg hold, he used the sudden ground and shifted his weight around her neck, strangling her. She, of course, shouted and brought her hands up to her neck, and tried to get the legs off her, how unprofessional was she?

Breaking one of his thumbs with a twist of his hands, his hand flew down to grasp the woman's own hands, clawing at it until he got through gaps in between her fingers and grasped her windpipe, strangling her with one hand, and doing a good job. Not the first time he's done one hand strangulation.

With crunch his other thumb broke, and slipped out if the medieval like shackle. When she crumbled to her feet, he jumped up and took advantage of her lack of air and thus coherence, reaching for a gun he keep in his pants, and no, no accidents have happened, just so you know.

When Black Mamba, having a very ill suited name, sat up, she was greeted to a gun to her temple, since, really, a bullet to the forehead won't guarantee death, especially with this caliber of a bullet.

The agent was crouching down next to her, gun in hand, staring at her with a slight smile on his lips.

"P-Please don't kill me!" She begged, shivering. Oh how ironic. "I'll give you anything you want! Drugs! Money! Women! Or rather in your c-case, um..men." He almost rolled his eyes, but raised an eyebrow.

"Women actually, though I do sacrifice for my missions. And no, Mrs. Harris, I do not need anything." She paled when she heard about the 'missions' part.

"You DEA? FBI? Oh god, please! Don't kill me!"

"Bigger, Harris, bigger. And, no. I won't kill you, you'll kill you. Since the local police will have no idea who you are, they will simply think you, and here were a murder-suicide case, and they won't know any better." The torture tools were gone, stashed away in the vents do he can come and get them later.

"Any last regards?" The agent, known throughout the world as Death's Right Hand Man, said, taking off the safety that honestly she hadn't noticed was on. And how was she an international criminal for so long?

"I have a h-husband and k-kids…" She swallowed, begging him with her eyes.

"And I don't care." With one shot, she fell limp on the floor, blood seeping from her head and the smell of released feces, urine, and blood filled the air. Thank goodness he didn't have to clean this mess up.

He rose, putting away the gun back into his pants, and took out his phone, calling the General.

He wiped his ear from a speck of blood that was on it, and waited for her to take the call. He has many names, as you would now know.

"'Fireflies in the Midnight Skies' General. Yes, asset is dead, and yes, I am ready for the next job. Carmichael, ending call."

Agent Carmichael is a world class spy, seducer, weapon and has been for a while. Faithfully following orders to the last letter. But he even will have trouble with this one, the decision to send him undercover in a branch of the government the CIA hates second most, the FBI. And for what? To protect a wimpy kid who is oddly similar to what he was, once, long, long ago. (AU)


End file.
